When a Girl Cries ------------
The World “Consoles” her
But when a boy cries ----------
Come on man don’t be A “Girl”
If A Girl slaps a Boy -----------
Definitely the Boy would have “done something"
If Boy Slaps a girl --------------
Rascal doesn’t know how to “Respect Ladies”
If a Girl is talking to Boys -----
She is “Very Friendly”
If a Boy talks to a Girl ----------
He is “flirting”
If a Girl meets with accident --------------------
Then its “mistake of others”
If a Boy meets with same accident ------------
Bloody you “don’t know how to Drive”
What A World Is this Bossssssssssssssssssss
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
One man got a child
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1 year later - man asked the child-what to gift you?
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child said
ping pong ball
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2'nd b'day-
father- what gift you want?
son - ping pong ball
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3rd b'day
father- what gift you want?
son - ping pong ball
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4th bday
father- what gift you want?
son - ping pong ball
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5th bday
father- what gift you want?
son - ping pong ball
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6thb'day
father- what gift you want?
son - ping pong ball
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24th bday
father- what gift you want?
son - ping pong ball
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he got married
at honeymoon
wife-what do u want?
husband-ping pong ball
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25th bday
wife - what gift you want?
husband-ping pong ball
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26th bday
wife - what gift you want?
husband-ping pong ball
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27th bday
wife - what gift you want?
husband-ping pong ball
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his kids become 15 yrs old
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40th bday
kids- father what gift you want?
father - ping pong ball
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41st b'day
kids- father what gift you want?
father - ping pong ball
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42nd bday
kids- father what gift you want?
father - ping pong ball
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79th b'day
kids- father what gift you want?
father - ping pong ball
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time for his death
all ppl from whom he took ping pong ball
(like his wife,kids and all others)
Came to him and asked
Why did you ask for ping pong ball all the time ?
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he said
give me a ping pong ball then I will tell you ..
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then those ppl gave him a ping pong ball
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he said when I will be extremely near to death then I will tell
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last time
he is about to die
everyone reached him
and asked
tell us why did you ask for ping pong ball always?
he said.
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I need a ping pong ball on my every b'day because
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and he died L
what a tragedy! what a tragedy!!!
Hmmmmmmmmm y should I alone suffer . that's y I forwarded this mail to you
all :Fun unlimited
Movies of college life:
Classes = Kabhi Kabhi
Attendance = Hera Pheri
Class Room = No Entry
Teacher = Khiladi 420
Vacation = Masti
Exam = Evil Dead
Examiner = Don
Friends During Paper = Hum Aap k Hain Koun
Viva = Encounter
Course = Godzilla
Exam Time = Qyamat Se Qyamat Tak
Cheating = Lagay Raho Munna Bhai
Question Paper = Ek Paheli
Answer Paper = Kora Kaghaz
Marking = Andha Qanoon
Result = Sadma
Pass = Chamatkar
Fail = Devdas
Suply = Akhri Rasta
Future = Fanna!
Hi. Now you say something.
Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
Mom, Dad… Don’t you think it would be easier to reach me if I had a cellular phone? So how about an early birthday present?
Please leave your name and number — But first, a short algebra quiz: How much is 5Q + 5Q? (Pause while caller thinks) 10Q You’re welcome!
I can’t come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don’t remember. I’d appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
I can’t come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I’m at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I’m doing this NOW, while you’re listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it’s NOW, like, when you’re listening to it… I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
Hello, this is the Brown residence. We’re in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back
Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll be right with you.
(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I’m a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy’s answering machine. If you give me your name and number I’ll… Uh, I’ll post it on the fridge where he’ll see it. Uh… By the way, where did you say you live?
I’m not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn’t take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don’t leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where
my watch is pal, where the hell is yours?
********
2. People who search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
********
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn
right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
********
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
********
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No Loser, I
paid Rs.125 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
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6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a
choice there, did ya sunshine?
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7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there
must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
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8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn
thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
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9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
yet?" If the bus came would I be standing
here,dumbass?
*********
_________________
I m not a STRANGER,
M just a Friend u haven't met!!
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
21. You can't remember who sent you this.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
Wife = TV, Cell Phone = GF ; one of the many jokes on the wall!
WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL-FRIEND
- At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.
- Before marriage, she looks almost like a Bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.
- The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji,aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.
- You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her gray hair.
- She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you.
- When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "walk out"
- She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.
- She thinks Hritik can dance better than Michael Jackson.
WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL-FRIEND
- Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University.
- She shudders if you use abuse words.
- She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconutoil from her hair.)
- Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
- Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)
- When she mixes milk and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.
- For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
- She thinks Nagarjuna is the sexiest man alive.
- Her favorite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
- Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWE wrestlers.
- She is more educated than you.
- Her father thinks she is much smarter than you...
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data – to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : “Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued…... “Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai – isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ——- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ——-aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ——- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ——- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ——- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ——- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ——- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. —— Tohar Bilva.
It is not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days
Typical academic year for a student:
Sundays-52 Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.
Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.
8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.
1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.
Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40. Days left 6 .
For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.
That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day?
Balance = 0
"How can a student pass ??"
Top 10 reasons computers must be male:
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
Fine and simple equation from Harvard that discover and prove that woman is nothing more than a problem…!!! 
She is a woman
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable......
Wedding Revenge : Amazingly Handled Party : Funny and Witty
0 comments Posted by Fun Unlimited at 6:56 PMHere is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.
To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party.
He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.
After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "Screw you," he turned to the bride and said "Screw you," and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning.
While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge?
Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for 300 guests at the wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and, best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.
This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world; we just live in it.
A Male before marriage .
.....And after marriage !
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